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I am engaged to a wonderful man whom I love dearly. We have many things in common and enjoy our time together. We have only one problem, but it is a big one. He is a spender and I am a saver. He loves to shop for clothes and electronics and only buys the best of everything. When we travel, we stay in the finest hotels and enjoy great meals. I certainly can't complain about that, but I have simple tastes, am satisfied with much less, and my bank account and investments are substantial. He, on the other hand, has very few assets.
I love my wife, but lately she’s developed a negative attitude. In recent years, we have experienced a number of personal disappointments and family tragedy. Things seem to have finally reached a calm, but my wife has turned into a total cynic. Her negativity is draining the life out of me. What can I say or do to help turn this situation around? Please do not suggest counseling; she won’t go. Samuel
My husband dresses like a total slob on weekends but wears suits
and ties during the week for his job. Come Saturday and Sunday, he puts on the
same ugly plaid shorts and raggedy t-shirts. And he shaves only if we're going
out on Saturday night. It's very unappealing and makes me feel that he doesn't
care about our relationship. His excuse is "I work hard all week and like to
relax on weekends. I'm the same person no matter what I'm wearing." I don't
expect him to be a fashion statement, however, his "condition" is a real
turn-off and I can't stand him hugging or touching me. He says it wouldn't
bother him if I was the way he is, which, of course, I would never be. Am I
being too harsh? Can you shed some light on this controversy?
My wife and I met a lovely couple at church a few months ago and we often "double date." We have been married 10 years, and the couple has been married 8 years. We have noticed that the husband, every so often, says things that are denigrating and condescending to his wife. Outwardly, she sloughs it off. But we know his remarks must deeply hurt her feelings. I'm not one to get involved in other people's business, however, my wife and I have been mulling over having a talk with the husband. Do you think this would be appropriate? If "yes," do you feel I should speak with the husband by myself, or both my wife and I should talk to him together? Or do you think we should have a heart-to-heart with both of them at the same time? The other concern is that by sticking our neck out, we are risking losing their friendship, and that would be more destructive to the wife. What suggestions do you have?
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My wife and I are having a major disagreement over who gets to do what and
when. We live in a two-story condominium. Upstairs is "her" exercise room --
her pride and joy, and she exercises faithfully every night from 7-8 pm. During
that time, I relax and watch "my" programs on our big screen TV -- my pride and
joy, located in the family room downstairs. Soon, we are going to have major
remodeling done downstairs, and all of the furniture has to be moved upstairs.
One area getting a facelift is the kitchen, which is predominantly "her"
domain. The remodeling will take 6-8 weeks. The only place the big TV will fit
is in the exercise room. My wife is adamant that I cannot watch TV while she
exercises. She tells me to watch the TV in our bedroom, but it's just not the
same on a small screen. I asked her if she would modify her exercise schedule
to trade off. She refuses. I think she should compromise, especially since the
kitchen, "her" area, is where a major part of the remodeling is taking place.
We're at a stalemate. Can you offer a fair solution?
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