Here's How to Get Over It
Weíve all been there.
Weíve fallen in love with somebody who just didnít love
us back. Weíve heard a variety of exit lines: ďI think
itís time we started seeing other people,Ē ďI love you,
but Iím not in love with you,Ē or ďItís not you. Itís
Itís hard to accept when
the guy stops returning phone messages, but itís even
worse if he keeps calling after the break-up. Running
into the object of affection in a public place is also a
killer, especially if he gives mixed signals by making
persistent eye contact. It doesnít help when the creep
sends an email every so often to see how youíre doing,
Instead, it makes it
really easy for you to lie to yourself. You tell
yourself that this person really does love you but is
afraid of being hurt. The poor thing! If only you could
convince him that you are a gentle soul utterly
incapable of causing pain. If only you could prove your
trustworthiness, your devotion. You will win him over!
You will make him see! You will!
You lie awake at night
replaying the happy scenes between you. You remember the
tender way he looked at you while you recited your lines
from the Third Grade Christmas pageant over a candlelit
dinner. You bring to mind the yielding fullness of his
lower lip as you kissed him on the beach. Surely the man
loves you! Why must he live in such terror of loving and
And so it goes. You get
caught up in believing that someone who doesnít love you
really does, blinding yourself to opportunities for
meeting a man who will truly make you happy.
You cannot move on until
you stop obsessing, but thatís easier said than done,
right? Hereís what worked for me:
Tell the person to
bug off. Just as you must cease contact with
the object of your affection, he must cease contact with
you. Tell this person youíre not ready to be friends and
you donít know if you ever will be. Any patronizing
emails he sends inquiring to your well-being will be
left unread and marked as SPAM.
Write down all the
things that bothered you. After being dumped,
itís natural to idealize the dumper. We remember the
happy events and tender moments, but we forget about the
time he was chatting away with a blob of scrambled egg
stuck to his lip. We forget about the stack of
Victoriaís Secret catalogs he kept on his night table,
or his fondness for using four-letter words in 4-Star
restaurants. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has faults, so
write down a list of the object of your affectionís
worst traits and pull it out every time that scene of
the two of you fooling around at sunrise pops into your
head. Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror while youíre
at it, so you see it first thing in the morning.
Throw out all
reminders. It doesnít even have to be a gift.
It could be a book you discussed, a bottle of wine you
shared thatís still on your kitchen counter, or the
sheets you slept on together. Treat yourself by
replacing everything. Start fresh.
Turn off the radio.
Youíre minding your own business, doing quite well,
thank you, when all of a sudden some song comes on the
radio that reminds you of your obsession. Change the
channel. Snap off the radio. Act fast, or in an instant
you will be back where you started, treading the cycle
of being in love, jilted, depressed, hopeful, and
Picture the person
in a repellent fashion. It didnít matter that
the object of my affection didnít even own a baseball
cap, an effective technique I used to ďturn myself offĒ
to him was to imagine him wearing a baseball cap in a
restaurant. I really hate a guy who wears a baseball cap
in a restaurant. Surely there are things that turn you
off. Imagine the object of your angst doing them.
commitment. The reason we obsess about people
who hurt us is because itís comfortable. Heck, sometimes
itís even fun. But to move on to the love you deserve,
you have to make a commitment to stop obsessing. So make
it. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate. Itís
indifference. When youíre indifferent to the person who
hurt you, you will truly be free and on your way to
Terry Hernon MacDonald
writes frequently about relationships. Her mission is to
help single women to stop settling for substandard
Romeos and to marry men who are truly worthy of them.
She is the best-selling author of
Attract And Marry The Man Of Your Dreams (Even if You're not
Rich, Thin or Beautiful) and a frequent contributor
to the Get Ready For Love! Show.
Psst. Her system works.
"Terry helped me get ready for Love AND get married!"