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Dumped? Here's How to Get Over It
 
Weíve all been there. Weíve fallen in love with somebody who just didnít love us back. Weíve heard a variety of exit lines:  ďI think itís time we started seeing other people,Ē ďI love you, but Iím not in love with you,Ē or ďItís not you. Itís me.Ē

Itís hard to accept when the guy stops returning phone messages, but itís even worse if he keeps calling after the break-up. Running into the object of affection in a public place is also a killer, especially if he gives mixed signals by making persistent eye contact. It doesnít help when the creep sends an email every so often to see how youíre doing, either.

Instead, it makes it really easy for you to lie to yourself. You tell yourself that this person really does love you but is afraid of being hurt. The poor thing! If only you could convince him that you are a gentle soul utterly incapable of causing pain. If only you could prove your trustworthiness, your devotion. You will win him over! You will make him see! You will!

You lie awake at night replaying the happy scenes between you. You remember the tender way he looked at you while you recited your lines from the Third Grade Christmas pageant over a candlelit dinner. You bring to mind the yielding fullness of his lower lip as you kissed him on the beach. Surely the man loves you! Why must he live in such terror of loving and be loved?

And so it goes. You get caught up in believing that someone who doesnít love you really does, blinding yourself to opportunities for meeting a man who will truly make you happy.

You cannot move on until you stop obsessing, but thatís easier said than done, right? Hereís what worked for me:

Tell the person to bug off. Just as you must cease contact with the object of your affection, he must cease contact with you. Tell this person youíre not ready to be friends and you donít know if you ever will be.  Any patronizing emails he sends inquiring to your well-being will be left unread and marked as SPAM.

Write down all the things that bothered you. After being dumped, itís natural to idealize the dumper. We remember the happy events and tender moments, but we forget about the time he was chatting away with a blob of scrambled egg stuck to his lip. We forget about the stack of Victoriaís Secret catalogs he kept on his night table, or his fondness for using four-letter words in 4-Star restaurants. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has faults, so write down a list of the object of your affectionís worst traits and pull it out every time that scene of the two of you fooling around at sunrise pops into your head. Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror while youíre at it, so you see it first thing in the morning.

Throw out all reminders. It doesnít even have to be a gift. It could be a book you discussed, a bottle of wine you shared thatís still on your kitchen counter, or the sheets you slept on together. Treat yourself by replacing everything. Start fresh.

Turn off the radio. Youíre minding your own business, doing quite well, thank you, when all of a sudden some song comes on the radio that reminds you of your obsession. Change the channel. Snap off the radio. Act fast, or in an instant you will be back where you started, treading the cycle of being in love, jilted, depressed, hopeful, and delusional.

Picture the person in a repellent fashion. It didnít matter that the object of my affection didnít even own a baseball cap, an effective technique I used to ďturn myself offĒ to him was to imagine him wearing a baseball cap in a restaurant. I really hate a guy who wears a baseball cap in a restaurant. Surely there are things that turn you off. Imagine the object of your angst doing them.

Make the commitment. The reason we obsess about people who hurt us is because itís comfortable. Heck, sometimes itís even fun. But to move on to the love you deserve, you have to make a commitment to stop obsessing. So make it. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate. Itís indifference. When youíre indifferent to the person who hurt you, you will truly be free and on your way to genuine happiness.


Special Thanks to:

Terry Hernon MacDonald writes frequently about relationships. Her mission is to help single women to stop settling for substandard Romeos and to marry men who are truly worthy of them.  She is the best-selling author of How To Attract And Marry The Man Of Your Dreams (Even if You're not Rich, Thin or Beautiful) and a frequent contributor to the Get Ready For Love! Show.

Psst. Her system works.

"Terry helped me get ready for Love AND get married!" Viveca Stone-Berry

 

 


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