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                                                    What Is a Healthy Relationship? Which is yours? Do you know?




Unhealthy Relationship

HEALTHY Relationship

You have magical or unrealistic expectations:

  •       Life will automatically get better if I have a relationship.

You have rational and realistic expectations:

  •          Relationship does not change with other life changes.

Instant gratification:

  •         Intense sexuality

  •         Bells and whistles

  •         Animal magnetism

  •          Sex is basis of relationship

  • Builds slowly:

      Game plan is grounded and systematic

  • 6-10 weeks – designate time commitment

  • Contentment & peace of mind is primary value


  • If you knew you wouldn’t love me

  • Can’t tell you how you impact me


  • Don’t tolerate secrets

  • Share nature of wrongs

Compulsive and obsessive control:

  • Continues intense effort

  • Rearrange value system around partner

Not obsessed with love:

  • Not obsessed with finding a partner

  • Knows they are worthy of love

Lack of trust:

  • Never knows what partner will do

  • Tries to change partner’s fundamental nature

Voluntary free-flowing cooperation:

  • Comfortable and secure

  • Not a constant struggle to maintain

  • Mutual problem-solving

Alternating doubts:

  • Something wrong with me

  • Something wrong with partner

  • Generates blame

Accepts partner and self as inherently good and potentially healthy


  • Hides true nature of relationship from others

  • Nobody understands us

  • It Us against Them

Social integration:

  • My social life

  • Your social life

  • Our social life

Repeating cycle of pain:

  • Desperate actions to make relationship work

  • Short term intense pleasure

  • Blow up followed by disillusionment

  • Desperate actions to make relationship work

Deepening cycle of contentment:

  • Pain elicits rational problem-solving process

  • Mutual resolution

  • Heightened intimacy

  • Return to contentment

    (c) Dr. Belle Muschinske 2004-2005 what is a healthy relationship




My Friends,

I almost had a heart attack the first time I read though that list. It is given to me by my good friend and mentor, Dr. Belle. She'd been telling for sometime that my "picker" was broken (yes, before we were friends I was her client!) It wasn't until I read through her guidelines that I truly understood what she meant. OMG! All of my significant "Love" relationships were in the red - every detail was dead on and those relationships were killing me - physically, spiritually, financially and emotionally. I was in pain.

If this is you?  If so, this is your wake up call!

Good News! Information is power and you can change yourself (lord knows we can't change anyone but ourselves!)

How did I change? I studied - tuned into Love every week - read all the books - discussed with friends - took a long, very long time out - had a talk with my spirit and learned to listen to what is had to say vs. my ego. And thanks to material like this I got very clear about the kind of Love I wanted. I share this humbly. Yes, I did the footwork but I can't claim to be an expert on Love. I became an expert at keeping my focus on Love.


Here, check out our Love Links - some awesome Free Relationship Advice and information from Get Ready For Love! Guests. Click here to hear them share - their words, their way. I am so grateful for their contributions.


Finally, do you want to do the footwork? Then subscribe and join the Get Ready For Love! Newsletter & Community. Love is a team sport. I got mine by hanging out here - so will you. Bring your friends - the more, the more input, wisdom & hope there is to share.

To your Love!


Viveca Stone-Berry
Founder, Get Ready For Love! Radio


P.S. For more immediate help I'll recommend two of Dr. Belle's favorite resources ...

Alanon & Relationship Resources * Women, Sex and Addiction by Dr. Charlotte Kasl (appropriate for men as well.)

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