Is Your Heart Achy Breaky?
Recovery Tips for the Broken Hearted
by: Viveca Stone-Berry
As founder of
GetReadyForLove.com I’ve heard a lot of love stories! There
was the couple that fell in Love on a roof top, another during a
blizzard - a room even “turned pink” for one lucky pair. It is
the love story of Cathy Guisewite, the mega successful
creator of “Cathy” Comics, that really gave me hope.
Cathy was 46 years old when she met Chris, her husband-to-be. She
had never been married but every once in awhile would poke around in
the dating scene – just in case.
introduced them she knew – immediately – that he wasn’t her type. “I
had lunch with him hoping he would have a friend I would like.”
Instead, she had the time of her life. He proposed to Cathy exactly
one year after that first date. “It was a miracle” she
confided to me during our interview.
about achy breaky heartache, and sharing my story, this seemed like
a good time to mention a miracle …
you never forget your first Love or your first lover. Yes to both.
Well, you also never forget horrific heartbreaks. For me it was the
one that came before “the one,” aka, my husband.
It was August
of 2001. I was 41. Too old to be such a fool - too old to ever attract another man
and too old to be starting all over again – financially, too. I was
terrified of being alone.
That was just
some of the mental chatter.
emotionally I was a wreck. Today, happily, I can’t relive the pain
but I recall the dry sobs, the cheerless days, drinking alone, chain
smoking and lying awake at night. I remember the fatigue and how I
limped through the minutes, hours and weeks that came after he moved
out. I was attached to my pain and detached from everything else in
life. Is that how a ghost feels?
I’ve come a
long way - baby - since then. Today I am 47. I married Michael,
the perfect man for me November 19th, 2005. No way
could I have imagined my life today, back then.
Maybe some of
what I learned can help you feel better and, in time, get the Love
First of all,
don’t rush to “get over it.” Hearts can’t be rushed. Feelings don’t
come with expiration dates. Take your life one day, one hour at a
try to dull your pain with pills, alcohol, food or sex with “Mr.
Right Now.” This just gives you more clean up to do later. Two
wrongs can equal something worse. Been there. Done that. Cured.
Now, here are
some simple tips and techniques to help you feel physically &
emotionally better – Fast. Feeling better in your skin eases the
heart and soul recovery ahead.
Broken Hearts Need Sleep.
Sleep more, sleep better, sleep in whenever possible.
Sleep – quality
sleep – can be hard to come by when you’ve been shocked by the loss
of a Love. How it happened doesn't matter to the heart - a loss is a
loss. Is you mind whirling at night second guessing, trying to
figure our "Why?" and "What went wrong?" Or is
anxiety, shame or fear of being alone waking you up and keeping you
thoughts or feelings are interrupting your sleep you must
make getting the rest you need your TOP priority. Aside from
sleeping well I recommend that you get to sleep before 11:00 p.m.
and sleep in till 9:00 a.m. whenever possible. Why?
glands, a.k.a. "fight or flight" response system, recharges best
between 11:00-1:00 a.m. and again in the morning hours. As a former
adrenal fatigue sufferer let me assure you that you don't
want to "go there." And, let me educate you too. Adrenal fatigue
is very common in women and is often triggered by a shock to the
body or mind.
For more information on
Adrenal Fatigue, click here.
Below are a few supplements, dietary suggestions & bedtime remedies
to help you sleep tight - all night.
Broken Hearts Need Supplements.
Vitamins & Minerals, Sleep Aids, Diet & Bedtime
pill commercials may be looking really good about now and do have
their purpose. Before you go there, or stay there, give this a try:
Take 400-800 mg before going to bed at night. (Soothes nerves and
helps you sleep. Most women, light hearted or broken hearted,
are deficient in this essential mineral.);
Vitamin C. Take 1,000 mg around 2:00 p.m. with walnuts. This combo
lifts your physical and emotional energy.
Multi-Vitamin. Add a high quality multi-vitamin or vitamin pack.
mentioned above and Melatonin, sparingly. Acupressure is a type of
massage that really helped kick me back into my natural sleep
rhythm. You can also get a special price by going to a massage
therapy school. Win- win situation - you get to sleep, they get the
hours they need.
Protein foods –
eggs, cheese, meat and poultry stimulate the mind and can keep you
awake at night. If possible eat dinner earlier at least 3-4 hours
before going to bed. Avoid sugar deserts and caffeine.
carbohydrates – cereals, rice and pasta can help calm your mind. Try
eating a bowl of oatmeal about an hour before going to bed.
Drink less and
drink more. Drink less alcohol. It is a depressant and it interrupts
your sleep cycle! Also cut back on caffeine which amps you up then
drops you down. Drink more water and a minimum of 8 glasses a day.
(I have my cup of coffee two to three hours after I get up. This
technique balances my energy throughout the day.)
One is a lonely
number especially in a bed. Here are some suggestions to turn your
bed into a haven for your heart.
First of all
lower your thermostat.
Sleeping in a cooler environment (Between 60 - 65 degrees) triggers
a hibernation response, quieting the body and the mind.
comfortable. I just added
a feather bed and I feel like I am sleeping on a cloud! Can you add
some down – change your bedding – add a couple pillows?
your pillow. Sprinkle
Lavender Essence Oil on your pillow and benefit from the power of
aromatherapy. (I also drab it on the collar of my blouse or on my
turtleneck, right under my nose, to carry its peace with me
throughout particularly stressful or unhappy days.)
Get in bed
earlier and take a friend with you.
No, not that kind. The following inspirational reads have been good
bedfellows for me at a time like this.
1. In The Spirit, Susan L. Taylor
In Sweet Company
Conversations with Extraordinary Women About Living A Spiritual
Life, Margaret Wolff
3. Trust Your Vibes,
33 Secrets to Living a Six Sensory Life,
The Dance of Fear Rising Above Anxiety, Fear & Shame to Be
Your Best & Bravest Self, Dr. Harriet Lerner
night before you go to sleep write down 3 accomplishments/wins for
that day. Got out of bed. Drove to work. Got back in bed. Use
these if you get stuck. Then write about the day's worries, about
your dreams and hopes and your graces and gratitudes.
Don’t re-read. Let each page and each day go. You - keep moving
You will find, little by little, that the good will come naturally
and the pain will slide away.
You can shop on-line for
these books and other recommended reading at:
For journaling “how to” & inspiration from Erica Miner, the “Journal
click here & read:
USE JOURNALING TO MANAGE FEAR
Broken Hearts Need Support
Don’t be shy. That's what
professionals, family and friends are for. We are here for you.
The mind is a bad neighborhood.
Don't go there alone.
It took a
village to help me get my life back. I am not ashamed to admit that.
In fact I am grateful to whatever spirit moved me to ask for help
and made me willing to receive it. Here are a few of my supporters.
I encourage you to find your own.
The Docs …
Dr. Belle, Psychologist.
Belle’s specialty was helping women break out of co-dependent,
unhealthy relationships with significant others, and themselves.
Dr. Gray, My
Primary Care Doctor. She referred me to Dr. Belle. Upon Dr. Belle’s recommendation and her
agreement I was prescribed a short term
– get-over-the-hump – anti-depressant. It worked.
friends. All angels in disguise …
My Parents, Mom
was stoic, no nonsense, just there. Dad - he dropped everything when
I told him my break up – break out news. He took me out to
breakfast. While I cried into my eggs he talked to me about things
like … sleeping and eating and seeing my doctor for support. The
kind of things I am talking to you about now …
insisted on getting me out of the house and on the tennis court.
(Great idea – get that body moving.) We spent hours smacking the
ball, giggling about sex, men, boobs and everything under the sun.
She also tore through my closet and eliminated all of my
“family/wifely” style clothing. Yes, I used to dress like Little
House on the Prairie.
later she is still a daily source of encouragement. She drove for
hours to take me out to lunch when I told her about the break up. I
will never forget that afternoon. Or the hours that we have spent
together on the phone ever since. You don’t have to be next door or
close to get (or give) the Love you need.
said “I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.”
Cat didn’t tell me what to do, how to do it or give her opinion
about it. She did gift me a plane ticket with an invitation for a
cozy, compassionate visit. On that trip I first heard the song …
Roxanne, The Buck, My Peeps, Marci, Lesley, Lee, Patrick, Jimmy, My
Salsa Class, Annie, Armando, Marsha, Sonia, Cathy, Velvet, Bitsey,
Carol, Benson, Coco, Hunter, Cathy Guisewite, Erica Miner, Robert
Kiyosaki, Sandra Anne Taylor, Buck Jr., Margaret Wolff, Sonia
Choquette, Lee Mirabal, Steven Guerrero and all the guests from The Get Ready for Love! Show ... I said it
took a village, didn't I?
Call in your
troops and spread your misery around. Lean on friends who are
happily married - a much healthier choice then hanging with the bitter men
or women haters. You need hope and compassion right now poison.
program and the fellowship of its community
Last, but not
How can I
describe Ala-non? Let me put it this way. When I first met
with Dr. Belle I told her that I wanted to have my life back and
that I wanted to feel happy again. She asked me if I had heard of a
program called Ala-non and recommended that I give it a try.
“Go to six meetings” she said “and see if Ala-non is for
you.” I did. I am still going strong.
To listen to my interview about
healthy relationships and the magic behind the Ala-non
Program, please go to:
In closing … I
don’t know how to close this.
I can tell you
that no condition is permanent and that time heals all wounds. I can
tell you that you must be a very loving and lovable person to be so
touched by this breakup. I remember something I heard when I was in
your shoes. It jolted my heart – gave me hope.
“You think your life is falling
apart. Maybe it is just starting to fall together.”
could be true for you too. Couldn't it?
are. Wherever you are. Take good care of yourself starting with your
body. Get some sleep, supplement your heath and plug into your
emotional support hotlines – all of them.
And, don’t give
up on Love. Don’t give up until you get your miracle. If it could
happen to me … give time, time.
2007 Viveca Stone-Berry, former fatigue sufferer and author of the
Fatigue Be Gone! Jumpstart e-Guide.
Viveca is also the founder
The Get Ready for Love! Show