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Back-Talk! by Sheryl P. Kurland
I am engaged to a wonderful man whom I love dearly. We have many things in common and enjoy our time together. We have only one problem, but it is a big one. He is a spender and I am a saver. He loves to shop for clothes and electronics and only buys the best of everything. When we travel, we stay in the finest hotels and enjoy great meals. I certainly can't complain about that, but I have simple tastes, am satisfied with much less, and my bank account and investments are substantial. He, on the other hand, has very few assets.
Needless to say, I know a pre-nuptial agreement is in order, but I am more concerned about our relationship when we marry. I am afraid that he may feel that he is paying for everything and I am not holding up my end, since I have the assets. I feel we must find some common ground before we get hitched so that we both feel comfortable with our finances. I think that we are doomed for failure if we cannot agree beforehand. Can you help?
Not quite sure what the problem is. He must have plenty of money as well to afford these expensive hotels and restaurants, etc., that you seem to enjoy. I do assume he has been paying for them? So definitely a pre-nup agreement is essential as you both seem to have quite a bit to protect. Discuss all of your expenses and how you are both going to pay for them equally, and then enjoy the extra perks that he is willing to pay for, and in addition, you can save for both of you. Whatever you decide, do it before the wedding. Work it all out so that you are both in agreement.
This marriage is doomed for failure. If he has to sign a pre-nup, guaranteed he will not show up at the altar.
Madeline and Roy have been married 50 years.
Journal Questions for you: Did you sign a pre-nuptial agreement? How do you feel about them? How do you feel about asking (or being asked) to be very clear about your relationship intentions and expectations. Are you clear - crystal clear - with your partner about what matters most to you?
Taking a moment now to get those feelings down on paper and out of your heart and head could be transformational. Maybe you'll notice a pattern of thinking or reacting that you can break or you will find the words and the courage to discuss these feelings with your Loved One. Anything is possible - give it a try.
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