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by Sheryl P. Kurland
My husband dresses like a total slob on weekends but wears suits
and ties during the week for his job. Come Saturday and Sunday, he puts on the
same ugly plaid shorts and raggedy t-shirts. And he shaves only if we're going
out on Saturday night. It's very unappealing and makes me feel that he doesn't
care about our relationship. His excuse is "I work hard all week and like to
relax on weekends. I'm the same person no matter what I'm wearing." I don't
expect him to be a fashion statement, however, his "condition" is a real
turn-off and I can't stand him hugging or touching me. He says it wouldn't
bother him if I was the way he is, which, of course, I would never be. Am I
being too harsh? Can you shed some light on this controversy?
As I grew older, I was amazed at how much attention people paid to appearances, clothes and hygiene. Married life is not an excuse to relax and ignore these habits. When you are young and dating, you try to impress your date. Now is time to check seemingly minor details: clean fingernails, nice breath and pressed clothes are important. Your spouse should remain your date for the rest of your life. This will make you look forward to being with your partner in a more exciting way as you grow older together.
I suggest that you buy your husband two sets of very casual outfits for him to wear on weekends and insist that he wear one on Saturday, one on Sunday. Then launder them for the next weekend's use. Since he must wear suits and a tie during the week, he should not object too much to these casual outfits for the two days of the weekend.
If he does not cooperate with this plan, I suggest a compromise. Let him dress like a slob one day of the weekend, and wear one of his new casual outfits the other. Who knows - he might like it.
Ed & Bea have been married 63 years
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